Our garden!

This morning I am sitting  by the window, looking out at the rain falling down and the green life rising up from the ground. The rain is so refreshing, so life-giving, and that is evident by what our garden is producing. I am so delighted to see the result of the work of our hands and the newness that comes with it. Here is a glimpse of what I see!

He also said, “This is what the kingdom of God is like. A man scatters seed on the ground. 27 Night and day, whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know how. 28 All by itself the soil produces grain—first the stalk, then the head, then the full kernel in the head. 29 As soon as the grain is ripe, he puts the sickle to it, because the harvest has come.” Mark 4:26-29

EH

: fotografia

This blog post is incredibly overdue. 

The contents of it are not, however! I received a beautiful camera from my ever-loving husband for Christmas - my first dslr, mind you - and am delighted to restart my journey in photography. I LOVED it back in my high school days, taking both film and digital. (Oh, how I miss film.) Now, I am excited to learn with my new Canon and invite you to join me as I share my work! Here are a few samples of my beginnings - and I only hope to progress as I go!

This first photo, "The Chase", is one of my favorites. Pictured here is Sophia (5) mid-run with a pigeon and its full wingspan fleeing the scene. I love the motion in this photo!

                                     Olivia (20 mos)  

             Arizona sunset. View from Lookout Mountain. 
                    January 2015

                   My most favorite feline friend: Luc

I will hold back any thoughts I have on these first few and ask you to share your own first, so please feel free to comment. Thanks for reading!

                                       EH

Giving my life to Jesus?

What does it mean, or what does it look like to give my life to Jesus?

I know that I have been given a spiritual gift and, though I am still figuring out what that is, I know deep down that there is so much more to it than recognizing and using that gift.
And I will certainly do the following: I will bow down to Him as King and I will claim His name and and I will proclaim His victory. And I will hold tight to the knowledge that nothing in all of creation can separate me from Him. And I will worship Him in song and dance and, though I struggle, I will share His good news and carry out wonders through the power He has bestowed upon me through the Holy Spirit who now lives within me. And I will marvel at His beauty daily and I will commune with Him in prayer, aloud in company and silently when I am alone. And I will love others and acknowledge everything I have as His, not clinging tightly to it but sharing my home, food, money, my care and my time with those who need it. I will give up what He tells me to and make Him the top rung on my ladder. Though distracted, I will strive to put Him first before everything and everyone. And I will seek understanding in His word; through counsel, teaching, fellowship, study and the power of the Spirit who reveals truth through His word.
But - what does it look like to give my life to Him? I ask Him all the time for good things and He gives to me abundantly, and He has given His very own life for mine. So, now how do I live FOR Him and not just BECAUSE of Him? I will tell Him that it is His. I will offer it up as a living sacrifice and trust it in His hands and trust His lead, for He knows how to best put it to use. I will confess to Him my doubts and fears and failures and admit that I really don't know how to do it on my own, that I am nothing without Him, that I NEED Him. And I will wait expectantly to watch Him in His marvelous action (Psalm 5:3). And I will ask Him what to do and where to go and how to handle situations, and when to speak and when to be silent and for Him to take my life and to use it - to make me His hands and feet. And I will move and act when He says even when it doesn't make complete sense. I will offer myself to Him and in doing all these things I will learn to hear His voice and discern it from all others. - And in doing so, I will realize that what follows is a choice of obedience to the extent of my individual understanding and ability and that His grace will cover the rest. And I will know then, what giving my life to Jesus looks like.

The things we've lost.

The things we've lost wasn't up to me. It may sound like a grammatical error, but those things are a sum of one whole that was lost.

Somehow in this world, we can have a multitude of things and still feel at a loss. And that's why I've often posed the question, what are you working towards? Do you work for the weekend? or the next vacation or holiday? Well, what happens to all of the in-between? The first steps and glances and secret words whispered. The letters and sweet moments, the feeling of something new, something learned. A fear faced. Hand holding. How do we miss the beauty in the small things? We can so easily miss out on the now, the things we've always wanted while we're focused on what's to come or what we miss and feel we're missing out on. It can be so hard when you have to make a decision. When there's so much your heart desires but you have to choose for now and hope for the rest later.  When it's what we miss, though, sometimes the heartache can outweigh the joy. It seems there's often a give and take. There are things, or others, we give up, or sometimes have to lose, in order to get something else; somewhere else. And it can be good.

But what about when you are what someone gave up? Then, you are reminded of who's hands you are in, the Mighty One's, and perhaps you are right where you should be. Perhaps what you feel you might be missing isn't what He wanted for you anyway. And if you were there, maybe then you'd really be missing out. On what is in store, on why He's allowed you be broken, and the brokenness itself. There is beauty even in that. And what you once had, maybe someone threw it in the garbage. But that does not destroy the good of what once was. The sweetness of the memory. You can hang on to it and put it away behind a door in your heart to keep for the rest of your days.
And that's ok.

Never Alone

I am literally never alone.

The thought of this has been with me this week and it's kind of overwhelming. And by that, I mean that it stops me in my tracks, it amazes me, and it comforts me. I no longer live, but the Holy Spirit lives within me. So, my body here is a temple, a housing for the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit. That's God's spirit! So Almighty God, who is everlasting, now that He lives within me, I can be one hundred percent assured that He will never leave me! It puts a whole new perspective on the fact that He will never forsake me. I mean, think about it, those of you who know the Lord,  we know what great sacrifice Christ paid for our sins. But time and time again we continue to mess up, to fall short, to live imperfectly and find our need for him, and sometimes it can lead us to a place where we feel our sin is too great, that we've screwed up an unforgivable amount. But if the God of the universe, that same God who was crucified on a tree to conquer death for us, once for all, if He has chosen our bodies as a dwelling place for his very own spirit, how much greater should our assurance be that what he says is true, "I will never leave you nor forsake you," (Hebrews 13:5).
So when I am down, it is He who rises up in me. When I am dragging along, it is He who helps me stand. When I feel the weight of this world, it is He who lifts me up. When I am weak, it is He who is strong. When I am lonely, it is He who is always there. Such great comfort and encouragement has been brought to me by my meditating on this thought.
It has also caused me to better care for myself. I am not perfect nor consistent in this, but it has helped me improve. I think about it like this: If Jesus was coming to stay with me, how would I prepare my home? Would I not want it as clean as possible, warm and welcoming to best serve my holy guest? Well, the Lord has come to stay, not for a visit, but for eternity. So as I keep this helpful truth in mind and practice, I hope you will just as well - in what we consume, our cleanliness, our dress and adornments, and our purity.
Take care of his housing.
And take assurance in his constant presence.

Good News

After some realization that there are some who actually read my blog without me knowing, and some conviction on the matter, I decided it was time that I make a statement of faith. Yes, it’s time that I post something, anything for that matter, but I realized that there may be someone who comes upon this blog, perhaps you, that needs to hear the message of the gospel. The what? you say. The good news, my friend. Let’s try not to let this get preachy, but simply state some words of truth for a moment. Let’s break this down into a way that we can start to understand it. First, I’m just going to lay down what scripture has been presented to me for this very purpose.

Here we go:

“There is no one righteous, not even one.” Romans 3:10

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” 3:23

“The wages of sin is death.” 6:23a

“God proves His love for us in that while we still were sinners, Christ died for us.” 5:8

“but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” 6:23b

“For, everyone who calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved.” 10:13

“because if you confess with your lips that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For one believes with the heart and so is justified, and one confesses with the mouth and so is saved.” 10:9-10

Now, this is just skimming the surface, and while I’d love to share loads more, I think this should be a light read to start so that it is not so overwhelming. So there it is. If it’s not for you, do me the favor of at least thinking about it. I will continue more later, but if you care to discuss any piece of it more deeply or have questions, go ahead and comment.

Thanks for reading!

Engagement.

     Over the last few years I've been learning more about what marriage actually represents, how it is intended to be a divine reflection. I'm sure much more understanding and growth will come once I step into the role of wife, but for the time being I am in the very new role of fiancee. I think this may be overlooked quite a bit, though what do I know? I just got here! But now that I have actually arrived, I'm beginning to see that this current place of engagement is a divine reflection all its own.

A man, with a lot of love for me, knelt down before me to share that love, offer himself to me and ask me to be his. How beautiful is that? It was most definitely magical and romantic with the help of rain, fireworks and applause, but there is something so much bigger. He made an offer, to give his life to serve me, put me above himself and take care of me for life. Can you start to see how a proposal and period of engagement is it's own reflection of Godly love? Christ humbled himself by offering his whole life for us, wanting to serve us and raise us up by freely giving up his life. So, before we could be reunited with the Father, before we could have a true, love-filled relationship with Jesus, he needed to make a proposal.Yet, it is not forceful and in both cases I have freedom to accept or refuse. But I so greatly desire a close relationship with Christ Jesus, to be one again with him, and so too to be united and one with the man I love. Soon we will become one and I will start to see more clearly marriage's representative purpose and will try to uphold it as best I (we) can. It's pretty amazing, isn't it? - if you will remind yourself or perhaps for the first time check out the intention of marriage. Being one God in three persons, the Son and the Father with the Holy Spirit are one. God. However, the Son submits to the Father's authority as leader. This alone is a lot to wrap your head around, I understand, but this relationship and knowing that marriage should act the same is a beautiful picture. But, it doesn't stop there. A husband and wife are meant to resemble Christ and the Church. He humbled himself for the good of the body and in turn the Church serves Him. One taking care of the other, the husband and wife (with the Lord at the center) will always be held.

     It will be a challenge striving to portray this image and I know there is much to learn and put to practice, but having a small piece of understanding before I even step into that role is so encouraging. I'm excited to learn more about the picture of marriage over these next few months and hopefully better prepare myself for one of the most beautiful relationships and honoring roles a woman can have.

That nameless something..

God knows us. 
I mean He really knows us. 


I could go many different directions with this, like Psalm 139, one of my favorites that details God truly knowing us from the deepest inside out because He created us, but this time I just wanted to show the aspect that He knows how to reach us. He knows what will break our hearts and what will leave us in awe.  He knows this about people in general, but also the uniqueness in each individual. And it's so incredible because  He not only carries us through our pain, but on the flip side, He draws us closer and captivates us in the many ways He reveals His beauty. And I must say, though I hold up every aspect of God in all of it's glory and reverence and they do all reach me, His beauty truly romances me. 

So, I absolutely LOVE watching the skies. Do you know what I mean? They're constantly changing and no matter the weather or the time of day, whether light or dark, they're just so beautiful. The other day I was pulling out from home to go to work in the morning and I could see just a tiny glimpse of light from the east before the sunrise. Just from that small sighting I knew it would be something great. So as I turned onto the road for work I went, not in the direction of my store, but to the east where I would soon see the sun. I just couldn't help myself. And let me tell you, it was magnificent. Though photos can never fully capture it, here's something of what I saw.  It was a moment of awe for me. The clouds and streams of light expanded as though they were paving the way for something great, something powerful. The sun. It was a moment of witnessing God's glorious creation in the stillness of the early morning and at the same time a beautiful metaphor for the coming King. 
While we're at it, let's take a little look at a recent sunset too..

love it.


I've recently just begun reading, by suggestion of a dear friend,  A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken, which I already love, and in which he describes his first aesthetic experience. He says, 


 "...suddenly something that was, all at once, pain and longing and adoring had welled up in him, almost choking him. He had wanted to tell someone, but he had no words, inarticulate in the pain and glory...That nameless something that had stopped his heart was Beauty."


Though I've just begun, I already recommend this book!


This real, true, magnificent beauty I see all around me, in big ways and small ones as well. Tonight I visited my dear, sweet two-year-old niece, Sophia, whom I just adore. We had a moment together, while in the middle of a conversation with my brother, in which she smiled at me mysteriously. I smiled and gave her a questioning look to which she subtly nodded. I returned the same nod and she filled with excitement and joy, laughing and turning around. We had shared our own special little secret, and it was a big deal. It's things like this that make my heart overflow.


So, tell me, where do you find beauty?


"The mountains and the hills will break forth into shouts of joy before you, and all the trees of he field will clap their hands." Isaiah 55:12

Acceptance.

Here is a post not unlike any other.
It's been a topic of recent postings among others I know, whether the word was used or not, lately, and I feel the need to share something of the same idea. First, I'd like to explain a little about the title of this entire blog. I am here to write, not about one singular topic, but whatever may spring up. I know that I'm not the most interesting one to read, the most insightful, encouraging, inspiring, or what have you. And though I have only just begun, I would sure like to try to do some of these things. The title actually comes straight out of a Switchfoot song. I found it so relatable to me because obviously this world that we live in is jam-packed with people and it can sometimes feel like either 1) you're no different than anyone else/nothing special or 2) you just can't measure up to all of the creativity thrown out by others, particularly in blogging (but of course in many other things as well) because they are all so unique. Well, I'm here to say that I have felt these very same things at times. It's fear, as one friend describes it in her writings. I am afraid that no one will read what I have to say and that if they happen to stumble upon it, they'll think nothing of it because it's just no good. It's not unique. Why would anyone read what I have to say anyway? Of all the bloggers out there, what do I have to say, really? There are so many questions I could list, but there's no reason to. Let's get to the point. I know God, and I know that He loves me, and everyone else on this planet, in an indescribably big way, and that nothing any of us can do (or write) will change that. We are the ones who change, and God is constant in all of His Godly glory. I also know that he created us each very uniquely. At my Friday night homegroup/bible study, a verse we lean on is 1 Corinthians 14:26 which says, "What is the outcome then, brethren? When you assemble, each one has a psalm, has a teaching, has a revelation, has a tongue, has an interpretation. Let all things be done for edification." In a way, I believe the same thing holds true even in a blog setting. This is somewhat of a gathering place where we share, right? And as believers, this is just another tool to edify one another in Christ.
There was a time, in a past relationship of mine, when I did something that I now see was very silly. I enjoy running, being active, and my boyfriend of the time, who did too, would ask me periodically to go together. For some reason, I would always hesitate and then come up with a reason not to. You see, this guy was a runner and I was insecure and afraid that he would think less of me if I couldn't keep up. I really regret that now because a) I may possibly have missed out on some wonderfully beautiful runs and quality time with him and b) I was the cause of creating a different image of myself in his eyes, the very thing I wanted to prevent! A silly situation I regretted, all stemming out of my own little insecurities.

I feel that writing and the choosing of words is an art, and, being one who falls in awe of most things creative/ed, I love to produce such things. Anyway, whether it's something produced or an aspect of oneself, the fear of acceptance/rejection or just uncertain feedback can loom heavy over all of us. But though we can feel like a needle in a haystack in this world - hard to find, lost in the crowd - that needle is quite different from every twig of hay in the stack. I think it important to say, here and now, that each and every one of us all have great purpose and value and are loved far greater than we can understand, whether it is shown to us in this world or not, by number of blog comments or the amount of friends we make. I want to take the opportunity to encourage you, reader, whether I know you by name or not. If I can do this to even the slightest degree, praise the good Lord for that! And I will strive to do so in the future.
I know that this blog kind of jumps all over the place, but there it is. I guess it did turn out to be unlike any other's post....  unique, even.

'send a golden message only he would get..'

If the Word of God  is "living and active and sharper than any two edged sword," then would it not make sense to grab hold of such a powerful weapon? Although I haven't done so to any great extent, I have recently been inspired to start memorizing some scripture. What I am beginning with is the book, Second Peter. Why not the first? - you may ask. Well, I was just kind of lead there, and I'm really glad for that. 2nd Peter is really cool! Also, it's not super long, which is a good way to start when you haven't memorized a whole book before. And memorizing it causes me to really really take my time in reading it which is making it speak so much stronger to me! It's awesome. 


"First of all, you must understand this, that no prophecy of scripture is a matter of one's own interpretation, because no prophecy ever came by human will, but men and women moved by the Holy Spirit spoke from God." - 2 Peter 1:20-21


******


I'm really pretty tired of my job. No, wait, that's a negative way to start out this section. How about, I am so thankful that I'm employed! I have a paycheck! I work inside with air conditioning, fun partners and some very dear customers. And I do actually enjoy some of what I do. However, here it comes, I'm really pretty tired of it. It's time for something new. So, I've begun to put myself out there in search of acting/technical work now that I'm a fresh college grad! It just takes a little time, and that's ok. Something I am pretty excited about looking more into, though, is a summer job in adventure travel. Yes, you read me right. How perfect for me would this be?!  See and learn about the world, explore, mentor teens, learn wilderness and safety/first aid skills, love on the people I meet through community service projects, and get paid for it! What a job! And it's 4-9 weeks during the summer, which, I might add, is off season for theatre.  I'll update as things, Lord willing, progress.


Speaking of theatre, I'm currently still seeking out more auditions, both stage and film, and sending off HS and Res to casting directors and awaiting callbacks from season generals, which should be pretty soon. :]

********
I finally got it. I don't know why it took me so long, but I now own the latest of Imogen's albums, Ellipse, and it's fantastic. Another collection of beautiful sounds that I love, if you haven't heard, is 'Beautiful Things' by Gungor, a lovely song about how God makes beautiful things out of dust/us. Check it out! 


********
I love to write. Lately I've been gathering a bunch of my writings and compiling them into one solid book. It's been a long time coming. Perhaps I'll share some poems sometime.
*******
I felt this way about my first kiss, did you?


peace. thanks for reading!


Emily

Shall we blog?

So I've been feeling a strong urge to blog. I love writing and my thoughts and happenings are often recorded, but on paper (or other various places my pen finds itself). So, I would like to continue, or restart I suppose, this blog that was set up so long ago. Last August, I wrote 'Back to It' and really thought I was. Let's try this again.
Here I am, twenty three years old, a fresh college grad, young, spirited and ready to go. It's time. I need to get out there and explore this world I've so long felt pulled towards. There are so many questions surrounding me right now, mainly ones of the next step towards my career, my goal. Questions expecting a plan and a "where I see myself in five years" answer. Not a bad thing to be diligent in my work but, you see, that's just not me. I do not have a single solitary goal for myself. There are just too many wonderful things! This kid needs adventure, discovery, romance, and wonder. Much of that can be found in my own 'backyard', but I suppose what I'm saying is, I'm now in a transition period. I'm being faced with milestones and the rummaging through things of old, bringing back such sweet memories that have been tucked deep down for some time. Now is the time to act. Let's not let this time, our youth, the years pass by! -says I to mineself. It is time to find a new job. It is time to take a trip, to leave the country, to breathe air on the opposite side of the world again, to write more stories and compile what I have, to act, to make music, to find you, to be me.
I can see that much of my writing may not make much sense to any who happens to read it. But that's ok. If my words are enjoyed, I will be pleased.
Now, shall we blog?

"Though our innocence was taken, not everything is lost.."

Well, it seems I wasn't really 'back to it' in August, except for that one post. I thought I was, but I found myself writing in my journal and at that, not very much. Anyway, I had an urge to write here today as I was sitting in Old Testament Historical Perspectives discussing the happenings in Eden.

I started thinking more about a question that was presented to me a little while back, and that is whether or not there is free will in Heaven. Now, I know that I cannot give the wisest answer, but this is what came to mind today. When I asked myself that question this morning, I replied, 'does it matter?' I stopped, and then responded, "Well, no, it doesn't!" There may or may not be, but by that point, I imagine we won't care. I mean, at the end of time, one who has spent their life on earth longing to be closer to God, who has made up there mind that they want to live eternally with Him, probably won't change it once they're there. It is absolutely possible, not to mention common, for someone to struggle with their relationship, or lack there of, with God throughout their life on earth. But a loving heart devoted to the Lord while alive on earth deciding once in His presence to turn away, seems impossible. There may be that choice, yes, but who could look away?! In the same way, one who has spent their life denying God and choosing to live without Him, may continue to do so after death or may regret the consequences of their choice. In any case, that will be it. But we don't have to wait! God is right here, waiting patiently with arms wide open for us to humble ourselves, come to Him, and get to know him even here. And He has given us ample opportunity and revealed Himself in numerous ways.

So, there may be something called free will in Heaven and that is far greater than this mind can understand. But for this heart it makes no difference. This heart has chosen to love it's first love, the Creator of all things, longs to be with with Him for all eternity, and will never, ever change it's mind.

back to it:

Well, here I am. Sitting up in the wee morning hours in the, though since transformed, very spot that originated the things of which came to mind and stirred me back to writing. I’ve been wanting to write the way I used to for some time, as I’ve missed it, and have been feeling pulled toward it until now when I lost that tug of war. Why was I playing? It wasn’t me, that’s why. It’s that self that’s been taking over. Anyway, I’m in the very spot, the origin, that started memory-making long ago; memories that crossed my mind this evening, or morning rather, and washed over feelings from then that I haven’t been with for some time. Unexplainable feelings of firsts and depths that were all unknown, and new and exciting and real and unlike anything that ever was or has been since. I feel badly saying so, since so much has been since, but a very different much. Something that, on the outside, seems rather common in this world. I don’t like that. Yet there they are, remaining in their undeniable uniqueness. While mostly what remains of these are the memories, I don’t want to lose that part of me that was then, that loved and wrote and thought and saw in that very small and intricate way. Everything is so big now. So heavy. What happened to my magnifying-glass eyes? And what about that tale-telling-tongue? It’s time to pull those out of storage, as I get rid of nearly everything else.

No tea or book or beloved buddy on the other end to joyfully and unknowingly converse with as the clock ticks on hours into the night. How has so much time passed by and yet here I am back in the same physical location with such similar thoughts floating around in my brain, like a stack of papers tossed from a building roof; I grab one and examine its contents, and though I’ve read it a bajillion times before, am surprised at what I find. Still a bit shocking. Still a bit of hopeful feeling that I can somehow make everything the way it was.